Learn the EFG’s of Parenting
Being a parent is one of the most challenging roles we will ever have in our lives and unfortunately our contemporary society gives absolutely no training on how to be a good parent. We all love our kids but from my experience the ABC’s of parenting which are the love, common sense and natural instinct were not enough for me to help me raise my kids in a way that was serving them.
Learning the EFG’s of Parenting helped me transform my life and the lives of parents who learn them.
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The EFG’s are 3 powerful tools that will help you create an amazing bond between you and your kids, make your life more peaceful and help you raise children to be responsible, capable, thankful, and resilient with high emotional intelligence.
So it’s simple!!
You give them what they NEED and they give you back what YOU NEED which is peace and cooperation.
Kid’s core emotional needs are love, connection and autonomy. When we don’t meet those needs, unpleasant reactions such as whining, not listening, ignoring, fighting with each other will occur on a daily basis. And sometimes we use parenting tactics to make them behave like yelling, punishing, threatening, bribing which might work in the short run but has negative effects on the child in the long run.
So does that mean we don’t hold our kids accountable when they do something wrong? No. We need to hold them accountable.
So one of the ways to correct misbehaviour with children (aged 4yrs+) that will leave you and them feeling good about each other is through Consequences.
And you might say but consequence is still a punishment! And I assure you that they are worlds apart especially if the consequence was said in a respectful way, was revealed in advance not in any angry moment, and the consequence was related to the misbehaviour.
So for example: if you say to your child “You didn’t pick up your toys so no iPad tonight!!” That feels like a punishment because the consequence is not related to the misbehaviour of leaving toys on the floor, was said in anger and spur of the moment.
Please leave your questions in the Comments section and we will get back to you as soon as possible.
– Tanya Fakhoury, Peaceful Parenting Coach, The Change Associates
To master the EFG’s of parenting, you can join Tanya’s workshops, starting October 2nd. To know more details, please visit www.changeassociates.ae
March 27, 2023
September 18, 2018, 5:04 pm
Hi – thanks for an eye opening thought provoking session – my question is generic but I will give an example – what if a few of the “wrong” approaches have begun and the child is already behaving in a way which is “wrong”
How do we go back in time and fix it? Example – I have a 22month old who till now has been a chilled out happy kid who hardly cries. Last 2-3 weeks she has become more demanding and curious and I have responded calmly but most times with “no” to which she cries and eventually I gave in.
What do I do now? If she asks or wants something inappropriate whats my first response? And when she wails loudly whats my next response?
Hope my question makes sense because I am pretty sure all of us parents already are in the “wrong approach” and need a ‘cure’ and very few expecting parents have a chance to ‘prevent’
September 20, 2018, 1:12 pm
First of all – well done for raising a happy baby. It is important to remember that children often try to push their boundaries to see how far they can go. This is a normal part of developing a secure attachment with a primary caregiver. There are many ways to say “No” without saying “No.” A few of our favourites are:
“I know you want to do that but it isn’t always good for us because ….”
“We are meant to use our bed for sleeping in and not for jumping in.”
“Let me help you/ show you how to do it.”
Ensure you are in close proximity to your child when giving instructions. Give one instruction at a time. Keep them short and to the point. Use positive language (“We walk in the house” replaces “Don’t run.”) Acknowledge when your child follows an instruction.
– Mrs. Emma Freese, School Counsellor and Head of Positive Education, Regent International School